my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
