If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
