Will you blow on my dice?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
