and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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