My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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