i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
