I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
