I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
