She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
