I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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