i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
