You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
