my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
