Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
