Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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