I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
