So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
