I molested 6 butterflies tonight
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
