i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
