Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
