The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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