dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
