what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You smell like stripper and shame
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
