I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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