if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
