you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
