The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
