People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
