We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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