News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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