things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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