How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize