why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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