We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
