Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
