Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
