I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
