she looked like the before picture.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
