Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
