In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
