grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
two words: eviction party
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize