I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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