Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
