Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
there is puke in my bra ... again
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