I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize