Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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