The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
