Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
