i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
