Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
