saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
