That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
