Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
