And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
