hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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