I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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