Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
