I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
