dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
