so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
