i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
