thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
