he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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