I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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