Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
